Many times at our HOPE meetings we are asked how to explain the death of a baby or the death of a loved one to our living children. The following article written by Jay Johnson from the Grief Digest Magazine explains how to do just that…
It breaks our hearts, it troubles our minds, it rattles our souls; seeing children we love devastated, weeping, sorrow-filled. We want to fix it and we can‘t. “I can’t just go out and buy a new daddy. I could always do that with broken Barbies. I can’t put a BAND-AID on it. I can’t kiss it and make it stop hurting. I can’t even tell her it will be all right. All I can do is hold her and help her cry.” (Mom in Seattle)
Everyone who devotes their lives to grieving children agrees there are least four tasks of grieving children. In a way, they apply to all of us, for when we grieve we are indeed like children.
1. Recognize the reality of the death
Probably the single most important thing you can do to help the children in your family is to be honest. When her mother shot herself when Margo was four, the children were told their mother went on vacation. Her clothes and belongings were gone; she had just disappeared. The next year when their father told the children they were going on vacation, he couldn’t figure out why they were terrified. Children deserve to know the truth. Use the real words: “dead” and “died.” Explain what happened. If the death was violent, the children will find out what happened sooner or later and it‘s best if they find out from you or some other loving family member. Secrets can hurt. Welcome their questions. Getting honest answers helps them grieve in healthy ways. Read more…